The fake news (Behind the June cover)

For this month's cover we did a send up of daily newspapers. Once we figured out this wass the route we were going to take, the question became, "how far do we take it?"

At first, we were only going to do headlines, but the response to the dollar bill cover from last month was so overwhelming that I knew I'd feel like we'd missed an opportunity if we didn't take it all the way.

We went with the cover story as the big item to dominate the page, but I wanted something that appeared appropriately fear-mongering for the secondary story. (This was just as the hullabaloo over swine flu was dying down.) We tried on different variations, but ended up with the Uni-dodo flu.

Unicorn-Dodo flu ravages everyone

Center for Disease Control officials believe they have finally pinpointed the origin of the apathy-inducing unicorn-dodo flu.
It is now believed that the virus was first contracted by Cassidy Hamner of Thebes, Ill., after a recent spring break trip to Greece. Hamner hiked to the top of Mt. Olympus and was reading Charles Darwin's "On the Origin of Species," when she was suddenly overcome by a dry cough.
The cough subsided by the time she returned to base camp that evening and she chalked it up to the thinner air. Hamner boarded a plane the following day and returned home via London and St. Louis. She was experiencing full-blown symptoms of the then-unknown ailment by the time the plane touched down in the Show-Me-State.
"I felt smited," said Hamner, who is still recuperating.
In addition to traditional flu symptoms, such as coughing, high fever, and muscle ache, carriers of unicorn-dodo flu experience a radiating chill that finally culminates in an audible call authorities believe is similar to the sound the flightless dodo once made.
While none of the known cases have proven fatal, increased social discomfort and awkwardness loom large as the number of patients grows.
The announcement came after weeks of chasing red herrings, including one theory that posited that the last unicorn and dodo had fallen off Noah's boat and into a relationship to preserve their respective species.
"Thankfully, Wikipedia helped us quickly dispel many of these erroneous speculations," said Dr. Constance Vigil, of the CDC.
Vigil first suspected Salem as the site of origin given the recent turnout at the Cherry City Music Festival.
"We figured there was surely something amiss in any city whose inhabitants couldn't get off their butts for 140 music acts," she said.
While she's given up the search for the virus roots in Salem, Vigil is not entirely convinced of the general well-being of city residents.
Vigil and other CDC officials are now looking for some way to close the Pandora's box Hamner seems to have opened.
"We are in touch with a group of Pastafarians who think the eruption of a beer volcano will negate the effects of Hamner's original reading. We are reaching out to craft brewers around the globe to help us stage the event," she said.

Cause if you're going to worry that much about something, it's funnier if it's completely unpossible.

Platypus flu was another top contender.

The second story, about the man stubbing his toes, was inspired by our friends over at the Statesman Journal. Last month, they ran an article about a hawk hitting window at a drive-thru in Woodburn. It drove me nuts the more I thought about it (read: too much). I kept rolling the story over in my head trying to think of some aspect that made the story newsworthy. Other than the animal angle, I kept coming up empty.

An appropriate mocking was in order. It had to be something that affected only one person, yet somehow managed to spark a newspaper's interest and an overblown reaction by officials. Thus:

Man's tears triggered by stubbed toes
Mayor mandates covered-toe shoes in wake of wailing

An inconsolable man found wailing in Riverfront Park over the weekend sparked an emergency meeting of city councilors and a hasty mandate from Mayor Janet Taylor.
Robert Leonard Kilpatrick, 36, of Salem, attracted a crowd of more than 100 onlookers as he struggled to compose himself after stubbing his toe on a bench in the south end of the park.
"I'd never heard such a carrying-on," said Mazel O'Henry, a park visitor who watched for 20 minutes as Kilpatrick tried to compose himself. Kilpatrick "carried on" for another 75 minutes before being forced into an ambulance for a trip to the emergency room.
In addition to stubbed toes, Kilpatrick was treated for self-inflicted bite marks on his hands and forearms from trying to stem the pain.
The incident sparked city leaders to call an emergency meeting of the Salem City Council, presumably a huge disappointment to all involved after deciding last month to cut the number of meetings from three a month to two.
Taylor issued a mandate requiring that visitors to all public spaces wear covered-toe shoes until a more permanent solution could be found.
"We think this is the best solution for the interim," said Taylor. "We expect to have a more viable resolution sometime in 2012."
Taylor did not indicate any sort of enforcement plan for the footwear order, but shied away from questions about rumored checkpoints at the entrances to parks and other public spaces.

There are lots of other easter eggs on the cover in addition to the stories. Have fun finding them, and let us know if it worked or not.

Take only pictures

Abandoned places fascinate me.

A couple of months back a friend found an abandoned house outside of Dallas and took a few pictures. A few weeks later, I took a couple of friends to the site and we spent two hours exploring it's cracks and crevices. I took more than 250 pictures.

From painted doors to unusual lamps, a talon of some sort and even a bat hanging out in a corner, the place was completely enthralling.

We took lamps, notebooks and the camera. We barely touched anything, we wanted to see what story the place would tell us by looking around. Every time thought we'd seen everything, someone would find something that that had been overlooked. Then we discovered tons that we missed going through the photos.

We have our own ideas about the people that once inhabited the place, but I welcome you to check out some of the photos and draw your own conclusions. I'm certain there are other locals out there doing this sort of exploration. I would love to talk to you for a story in Salem Monthly.

Shoot me an e-mail, if you're interested.

Glorification of gun violence

About 10 years ago, a boy I babysat a few times secured his father’s gun, obtained bullets from a friend at school, loaded the gun and took his own life.

With a bit of determination and a couple of pounds of pressure his life ended. At age 13.

It would be simple to look at that situation and assign blame to any number of people, but it doesn’t really matter who is to blame, the boy is still dead. Anyone who wants to assign blame to another person or the hunk of wood, plastic and metal that took his life is missing the point.

Last month, the captain of a shipping vessel was taken hostage by a group of Somali pirates and held captive on a lifeboat for several days. He was freed when U.S. Navy snipers shot and killed three of his captors.

Within hours the news channels were atwitter with praise and feature stories extolling the expertise of the Navy marksmen. The three Somalis killed that day barely registered on the radar.

Three people lost their lives. Whatever their crimes, and even that depends on who one talks to, they were human beings. But the story of who they were remains untold. The stories printed and run on TV revolved almost single-mindedly around the glorification of the men who took their lives.

The media takes a beating for shining the spotlight on gun violence when schools are involved. Less of a fuss is made when the same violent acts accomplish a goal generally perceived as noble. Yet reporters were tripping over themselves to find a new angle on snipers and their weapons.

When “innocents” are caught in the crosshairs of gun violence, the uproar is intense and immediate.

Some clamor for gun control, but the cat’s already out of that sack. Others fight for unfettered access to military-grade firearms. Neither seems like a solution to the problem, but extreme arguments on both sides make it difficult to see if there is any middle ground to be had.

Rather than banning private ownership of firearms or opening an armory on every corner, it would be more beneficial to take a serious look at assumptions underlying possession and use of firearms, especially in this country.

By and large, we treat guns as tools – tools for hunting, tools for protection, tools for waging war - but they possess the inherent power to take a life. Advocates of gun ownership treat safety classes as a cure-all, but the lesson that needs to be ingrained goes beyond trigger locks and separating guns from ammunition.

Guns give the wielder the power to take a life, up close, at a distance and from every range in between. Until there is a demonstrated understanding of that fact, any and all permits should be withheld.

Guns do take lives in moments of accident, frustration, anger, depression, and even celebration. They have their uses, but until we’re all willing to engage the topic like adults, we will always be children playing with fire.

About 10 years ago, a boy I babysat a few times secured his father’s gun, received bullets from a friend at school, loaded the gun and took his own life.

With a bit of determination and a couple of pounds of pressure his life ended. At age 13.

It would be simple to look at that situation and assign blame to any number of people, but it doesn’t really matter who is to blame, the boy is still dead. Anyone who wants to assign blame to another person or the hunk of wood, plastic and metal that took his life is missing the point.

Last month, the captain of a shipping vessel was taken hostage by a group of Somali pirates and held captive on a lifeboat for several days. He was freed when U.S. Navy snipers shot and killed three of his captors.

Within hours the news channels were atwitter with praise and feature stories extolling the expertise of the Navy marksmen. The three Somalis killed that day barely registered on the radar.

Three people lost their lives. Whatever their crimes, and even that depends on who one talks to, they were human beings. But the story of who they were remains untold. The stories printed and run on TV revolved almost single-mindedly around the glorification of the men who took their lives.

The media takes a beating for shining the spotlight on gun violence when schools are involved. Less of a fuss is made when the same violent acts accomplish a goal generally perceived as noble. Yet reporters were tripping over themselves to find a new angle on snipers and their weapons.

When “innocents” are caught in the crosshairs of gun violence, the uproar is intense and immediate.

Some clamor for gun control, but the cat’s already out of that sack. Others fight for unfettered access to military-grade firearms. Neither seems like a solution to the problem, but extreme arguments on both sides make it difficult to see if there is any middle ground to be had.

Rather than banning private ownership of firearms or opening an armory on every corner, it would be more beneficial to take a serious look at assumptions underlying possession and use of firearms, especially in this country.

By and large, we treat guns as tools – tools for hunting, tools for protection, tools for waging war - but they possess the inherent power to take a life. Advocates of gun ownership treat safety classes as a cure-all, but the lesson that needs to be ingrained goes beyond trigger locks and separating guns from ammunition.

Guns give the wielder the power to take a life, up close, at a distance and from every range in between. Until there is a demonstrated understanding of that fact, any and all permits should be withheld.

Guns do take lives in moments of accident, frustration, anger, depression, and even celebration. They have their uses, but until we’re all willing to engage the topic like adults, we will always be children playing with fire.

Pix from the Cherry City Music Fest

Photos from this past weekend's Cherry City Music Festival can be found here.

Thanks to all the bands for coming out to show Salem some love and all the music fans for turning out to show your appreciation.

Writers Cornered

One of the new things I'm hoping people notice in the April issue is the addition of submitted fiction, poetry and essays to the Word pages. (It was going to have this cool little graphic that I ran out of time to make because it took me so dang long to come up with a title. Also, there were space constraints.)

So, the working title of this section is Writers Cornered. There is an 850-word limit, if you have photos or another piece of associated art (to which you own reproduction rights) to submit with it, it will run space available. All submissions come from writers within the Salem Monthly coverage area. Submissions should be directed to editors@salemmonthly.com.

This month's submission was from Diane Schmitz, she can be followed on Twitter (username: seaspark).

Writers Cornered has dual purposes, but I'm going to start with a bit more explanation. The chance to become the editor of an alternative newspaper was, in no small way, the realization of a dream. When I took my first journalism class in college, it wasn't a big daily I wanted to work for, I wanted to be part of the Riverfront Times, St. Louis' alternative newspaper. But, knowing what I wanted and suddenly being confronted with the opportunity to do it were two completely different things. So I started reading. Prior to starting as Salem Monthly's editor in February (I accepted the job about two months before starting), I read everything I could regarding alternative newspapers, their role in the greater media landscape, and what the most highly-regarded alt-weeklies had done in their prime.

The message that stuck with me was simple: alternative newspapers are a breeding ground for new voices.

I want Salem Monthly to be a launchpad for the new voices in our area and my hope is that Writers Cornered becomes a community-owned space within the paper. I would love to know what you think of the idea and value any input you have on its future direction.

On stands this month

So, tomorrow is my birthday, and I can honestly say I'm getting a helluva gift (three of them to be precise).

Hitting stands later today and tomorrow, we've got the April issue of Salem Monthly.

Be sure to check out:

Emily's stories on Salem's Chicken Dance and dreaming about Obama

Kendra's behind-the-scenes look at Pentacle Theatre production

The Green Report

The Salem Film Festival Guide

And the cover story on why everyone needs to get off their collective butts and take in a show at during the Cherry City Music Festival April 9-11.

The debut issue of Mid-Valley PLAY, Salem Monthly's quarterly guide to things to do.

I want feedback on this. What you like, don't like, the WTFs and OMGs. All of it.

The cover story is on the McMinnville UFO Festival, but don't be scared, check out the whole thing. It's chock full of ideas.

There's things to do for kids, couples, families the aggroed and the peacemaking.

Also, huge thanks to Scott for kicking ass on the cover. That's a frakkin' Cylon on the cover, people (and I swear I had NOTHING to do with his artistic choices).

It's inserted in the paper.

And, finally, Mid-Valley EAT is getting its first stand-alone distribution this month.

With listings of many area restaurants and spotlight on a few of the places we think serve up some of the most delectable dishes, EAT is the premiere resource for dining out in the Mid-Valley.

You'll find it next to Salem Monthly in some of the most discerning eateries in the area. Or maybe just the ones that like us, but we'd like to think they can be discerning as well.

Again, let me know what you find useful. When the next issue hits stands in June, we're going to be doing more food features, so sling me an e-mail if there's something we missed or that you'd like to see.

Days like this, it's damn easy to love my job. Thanks to everyone who contributed to make March another huge success.

A bargain amidst economic chaos

It's incredibly hard to put a price on a dose of courage, but it can come with a shockingly cheap price tag.

Last year, I had the good fortune to befriend a woman who knows firsthand the toil of being one of the working poor. At the age of 36, and as a single mother of four daughters, she decided to return to school while continuing to work part time.

Making ends meet in such difficult circumstances wasn't ever easy, but she did it, and she received assistance in small ways- like tax breaks.

I was one of many who scoffed at the notion of the Obama administration's seemingly paltry tax break of $10-15 per paycheck. It doesn't seem that such a minuscule amount could possibly make any tangible difference. Until I understood it translates into courage.

One of the tax breaks that impacted the working mother was the Earned Income Tax Credit, or EITC. Low-income families can apply for the credit on both federal and state tax forms. One in seven households in Oregon currently benefit from the credit, according to figures from the Oregon Center for Public Policy.

Oregon is one of only about two dozen states to offer the credit at the state level, but under the current calculations, the lowest-wage workers are still paying a higher tax rate than the highest-paid workers.

A bill under consideration in the state legislature would increase the state EITC amount. Oregon's current EITC configuration only amounts to about $85 for the average recipient, which is too small to offset the taxes low-income families pay on a regular basis. If passed, the new bill would increase the credit to about $480 for a family of four living at or below federal poverty levels. That's money than can reduce child poverty and increase the incentive to work for families struggling to make ends meet.

But it doesn't seem like enough.

Such a small amount of money seems laughable by most measures, but there are no scales accurate enough to weigh its worth. Anyone who has ever struggled is looking for an excuse, an excuse for not accepting the hand up, an excuse to give up trying. The antidote is courage.

For my friend, that small amount of money ended up as a letterman's jacket, a prom dress and extra money for a pizza when one of her daughters' teams won a softball game. Providing those small treats for her family gave her courage. Courage to try one more day. Courage to stick with school. Courage to tackle the difficult task of middle school principal. Courage to run for state legislature, where she's fighting to move the mountain and assist families that are struggling as she did two decades ago.

Her name is Betty Komp.

Money is a valuable thing, even in small amounts, and especially during these times. Courage, on the other hand, is a bargain at any price.

Tough times don't excuse small injustices

What's so hard about going through life with a sense of humanity?

I went into a fast food restaurant the other day and while I was placing an order, a young woman stepped up to the register beside mine.

Words were quietly exchanged and pieces of paper changed hands. The employee at the counter then turned to the ones prepping food and loudly declared there was someone at the register looking to turn in a job application.

"During the lunch rush? Who does that?" was the response. At damn near full yell.

Following quickly was another comment that seemed equally contemptuous, but I didn't catch it. Obviously embarrassed, the job-seeker quietly made her exit, asking the cashier to make sure the application found the right hands.

Now, I can understand getting caught up in the pressure of the moment. I can understand letting your mouth act before your head can catch up. I can even take good-hearted jokes spoken a bit too harshly.

It was none of those. It was an attempt to demean, belittle and humiliate for no other reason than being able to do it, and as publicly as possible. It didn't need to happen. The culprit was well past the age of knowing better, and even if she wasn't, it was inappropriate.

I'm not going to list the many and varied reasons the job applicant might have arrived during the lunch hour, because, in the end, it doesn't matter. Showing up at all might have been the most difficult part of her day. In that moment, when she hoped, or possibly needed, to feel the kindness of strangers. They not only turned their backs, they laughed at her.

Unfortunately, this felt like something we are going to see more and more of in the coming months.

It doesn't matter who you are - a shift manager slinging burgers at a fast food chain, a CEO raking in millions in tax-payer paid bonuses, a custodian wiping down benches at the mall, or the editor of the local alternative newspaper - none of us is better than the stranger we pass on the street or the one who comes to us, hat in hand, looking for work.

We're all humans and we're facing tough times. I've felt it. I have friends who are feeling it worse. The easiest thing we can do in response is show each other an ounce of respect.

It doesn't cost us a thing.